Save The Institution of Marriage Guidelines

Save The Institution of Marriage Guidelines

Delhi High Court

Chander Bhan And Anr vs State on 4 August, 2008

IN THE HIGH COURT OF DELHI AT NEW DELHI Bail Application No. 1627/2008

04.08.2008

Judgment delivered on: 04.8.2008

Chander Bhan and Anr. ...... Petitioners Through: Mr. Rajesh Khanna Adv.

versus

State ..... Respondent Through: Mr. Pawan Sharma APP

CORAM:

HON'BLE MR. JUSTICE KAILASH GAMBHIR

1. Whether the Reporters of local papers may be allowed to see the judgment? yes

2. To be referred to Reporter or not? yes

3. Whether the judgment should be reported in the Digest? yes KAILASH GAMBHIR, J. (Oral)

By way of the present petition the petitioners who are parents- in-law of the complainant seek grant of anticipatory bail. Mr. Sharma counsel for the State submits that allegations are serious in nature against the petitioners, therefore, the petitioners do not deserve grant of anticipatory bail. Complainant is present in the court. She states that there is no possibility of her going back to the matrimonial home. However, the complainant is not averse to the matter being sent before the mediation cell. Let the matter be sent to the Mediation Cell, Rohini Court, Delhi for exploring the possibility of amicable settlement between the parties. Let the parties appear before the Mediation Cell, Rohini Court, Delhi on 11.8.2008 at 4.00 P.M.

List the matter before the court on 23.9.2008. Till then the petitioners shall not be arrested. Before parting with this case, I deem it expedient and in the larger interest of saving matrimony of the couples and to restore peace between the two hostile families of husband and wife who once must have celebrated the marriage of couple with great zeal, fervor and enthusiasm but when faced with many facets and stark realities of life entangled themselves to fight a long drawn legal battle instead of building confidence, trust, understanding, mutual respect for each other and their respective families. The offence of cruelty by husband or relatives of husband (Section 498-A) was added in 1986 to curb the vise of subjecting women to coerce them or their relatives to meet unlawful demands for dowry. Since its enactment, this provision has been subjected to systematic and sustained attack. It has been called unfair and responsible for the victimisation of husbands by their wives and her relatives. No doubt there may be many deserving cases where women are being subjected to mental and physical cruelty at the hands of the avaricious in-laws. But such cases have to be distinguished from other cases where merely due to trivial fights and ego clashes the matrimony is facing disaster. What is not comprehended by young minds while invoking the provisions of the likes of Section 498-A and 406 of IPC is that these provisions to a large extent have done incalculable harm in breaking matrimony of the couples. Despite the western culture influencing the young minds of our country, still it has been seen that Indian families value their own age old traditions and culture, where, mutual respect, character and morals are still kept at a very high pedestal.

It has been noticed in diverse cases, where the brides and their family members in litigation find the doors of conciliation shut from the side of groom and his family members only on account of there having suffered the wrath of Police harassment first at the stage when matter is pending before crime against women cell and thereafter at the time of seeking grant of anticipatory or regular bail and then the ordeal of long drawn trial. Daily, matters come before this court seeking bail and for quashing of FIR?s registered under Sections 498A/406 of the IPC. This court is of the view that it is essential to lay down some broad guidelines and to give directions in such matters in order to salvage and save the institution of marriage and matrimonial homes of the couples.

Guidelines:

1. Social workers/NGO

There is no iota of doubt that most of the complaints are filed in the heat of the moment over trifling fights and ego clashes. It is also a matter of common knowledge that in their tussle and ongoing hostility the hapless children are the worst victims. Before a wife moves to file a complaint with the Women Cell, a lot of persuasion and conciliation is required. (a) The Delhi Legal Service Authority, National Commission for Women, NGO?s and social worker?s working for upliftment of women should set up a desk in crime against women cell to provide them with conciliation services, so that before the State machinery is set in motion, the matter is amicably settled at that very stage. But, if ultimately even after efforts put by the social workers reconciliation seems not possible then the matter should be undertaken by the police officials of Crime against Women cell and there also, serious efforts should be made to settle the matter amicably.

2. Police Authorities:

(a) Pursuant to directions given by the Apex Court, the Commissioner of Police, Delhi vide Standing Order No. 330/2007 had already issued guidelines for arrest in the dowry cases registered under Sections 498-A/406 IPC and the said guidelines should be followed by the Delhi Police strictly and scrupulously. (i) No case under Section 498-A/406 IPC should be registered without the prior approval of DCP/Addl. DCP.

(ii) Arrest of main accused should be made only after thorough investigation has been conducted and with the prior approval of the ACP/DCP. (iii) Arrest of the collateral accused such as father-in-law, mother-in-law, brother-in-law or sister-in-law etc should only be made after prior approval of DCP on file.

(b) Police should also depute a well trained and a well behaved staff in all the crime against women cells especially the lady officers, all well equipped with the abilities of perseverance, persuasion, patience and forbearance. (c) FIR in such cases should not be registered in a routine manner. (d) The endeavor of the Police should be to scrutinize complaints very carefully and then register FIR.

(e) The FIR should be registered only against those persons against whom there are strong allegations of causing any kind of physical or mental cruelty as well as breach of trust.

(f) All possible efforts should be made, before recommending registration of any FIR, for reconciliation and in case it is found that there is no possibility of settlement, then necessary steps in the first instance be taken to ensure return of stridhan and dowry articles etc. by the accused party to the complainant.

3. Lawyers:

Lawyers also have a great responsibility in this regard. (a) While drafting pleadings/complaints, the lawyers should not unnecessarily suggest incorporation of wild allegations, or in character assassination of any of the parties or their family members whatever the case may be. (b) Lawyers are also to endeavour to bring about amicable settlement between the parties as they are expected to discharge sacred duty as social engineers in such cases instead of making them target for monetary considerations by multiplying their cases.

4. Courts:

Subordinate courts, be it trying civil or criminal cases concerning bail, maintenance, custody, divorce or other related matters shall in the first instance, in every case where it is possible so to do consistently with the nature and circumstances of the case, to make every endeavour to bring about reconciliation between the parties.

a) The first endeavor should be for possible reunion and restitution of the parties and as a last endeavor to bring about peaceful separation. b) If possible extra time should be devoted to such matters to restore peace in the lives of rival parties be it by re-uniting them or even in case of their parting ways.

c) Conciliatory proceedings by the court should preferably be held in camera to avoid embarrassment.

d) Wherever, the courts are overburdened with the work, necessary assistance of Mediation and Conciliation cells should be sought. Apart from above directions it would not be out of place to ask parties also to themselves adopt a conciliatory approach without intervention of any outside agency and unless there are very compelling reasons, steps for launching prosecution against any spouse or his/her in-laws be not initiated just in a huff, anger, desperation or frustration. 

DASTI.

KAILASH GAMBHIR, J

August 04, 2008

Bail Application No. 1627/2008

Statistics of a Fatherless America

Statistics of a Fatherless

Source:- http://www.photius.com/feminocracy/facts_on_fatherless_kids.html

Sexual activity. In a study of 700 adolescents, researchers found that "compared to families with two natural parents living in the home, adolescents from single-parent families have been found to engage in greater and earlier sexual activity."Source: Carol W. Metzler, et al. "The Social Context for Risky Sexual Behavior Among Adolescents," Journal of Behavioral Medicine 17 (1994).

A myriad of maladies. Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicide, poor educational performance, teen pregnancy, and criminality.

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Center for Health Statistics, Survey on Child Health, Washington, DC, 1993.

Drinking problems. Teenagers living in single-parent households are more likely to abuse alcohol and at an earlier age compared to children reared in two-parent households

Source: Terry E. Duncan, Susan C. Duncan and Hyman Hops, "The Effects of Family Cohesiveness and Peer Encouragement on the Development of Adolescent Alcohol Use: A Cohort-Sequential Approach to the Analysis of Longitudinal Data," Journal of Studies on Alcohol 55 (1994).

Drug Use: "...the absence of the father in the home affects significantly the behavior of adolescents and results in the greater use of alcohol and marijuana."

Source: Deane Scott Berman, "Risk Factors Leading to Adolescent Substance Abuse," Adolescence 30 (1995)

Sexual abuse. A study of 156 victims of child sexual abuse found that the majority of the children came from disrupted or single-parent homes; only 31 percent of the children lived with both biological parents. Although stepfamilies make up only about 10 percent of all families, 27 percent of the abused children lived with either a stepfather or the mother's boyfriend.

Source: Beverly Gomes-Schwartz, Jonathan Horowitz, and Albert P. Cardarelli, "Child Sexual Abuse Victims and Their Treatment," U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.

Child Abuse. Researchers in Michigan determined that "49 percent of all child abuse cases are committed by single mothers."

Source: Joan Ditson and Sharon Shay, "A Study of Child Abuse in Lansing, Michigan," Child Abuse and Neglect, 8 (1984).

Deadly predictions. A family structure index -- a composite index based on the annual rate of children involved in divorce and the percentage of families with children present that are female-headed -- is a strong predictor of suicide among young adult and adolescent white males.

Source: Patricia L. McCall and Kenneth C. Land, "Trends in White Male Adolescent, Young-Adult and Elderly Suicide: Are There Common Underlying Structural Factors?" Social Science Research 23, 1994.

High risk. Fatherless children are at dramatically greater risk of suicide.

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Center for Health Statistics, Survey on Child Health,Washington, DC, 1993.

Suicidal Tendencies. In a study of 146 adolescent friends of 26 adolescent suicide victims, teens living in single-parent families are not only more likely to commit suicide but also more likely to suffer from psychological disorders, when compared to teens living in intact families.

Source: David A. Brent, et al. "Post-traumatic Stress Disorder in Peers of Adolescent Suicide Victims: Predisposing Factors and Phenomenology." Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 34, 1995.

Confused identities. Boys who grow up in father-absent homes are more likely that those in father-present homes to have trouble establishing appropriate sex roles and gender identity.

Source: P.L. Adams, J.R. Milner, and N.A. Schrepf, Fatherless Children, New York, Wiley Press, 1984.

Psychiatric Problems. In 1988, a study of preschool children admitted to New Orleans hospitals as psychiatric patients over a 34-month period found that nearly 80 percent came from fatherless homes.

Source: Jack Block, et al. "Parental Functioning and the Home Environment in Families of Divorce," Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 27 (1988)

Emotional distress. Children living with a never-married mother are more likely to have been treated for emotional problems.

Source: L. Remez, "Children Who Don't Live with Both Parents Face Behavioral Problems," Family Planning Perspectives(January/February 1992).

Uncooperative kids. Children reared by a divorced or never-married mother are less cooperative and score lower on tests of intelligence than children reared in intact families. Statistical analysis of the behavior and intelligence of these children revealed "significant detrimental effects" of living in a female-headed household. Growing up in a female-headed household remained a statistical predictor of behavior problems even after adjusting for differences in family income.

Source: Greg L. Duncan, Jeanne Brooks-Gunn and Pamela Kato Klebanov, "Economic Deprivation and Early Childhood Development," Child Development 65 (1994).

Unstable families, unstable lives. Compared to peers in two-parent homes, black children in single-parent households are more likely to engage in troublesome behavior, and perform poorly in school.

Source: Tom Luster and Hariette Pipes McAdoo, "Factors Related to the Achievement and Adjustment of Young African-American Children." Child Development 65 (1994): 1080-1094

Beyond class lines. Even controlling for variations across groups in parent education, race and other child and family factors, 18- to 22-year-olds from disrupted families were twice as likely to have poor relationships with their mothers and fathers, to show high levels of emotional distress or problem behavior, [and] to have received psychological help.

Source: Nicholas Zill, Donna Morrison, and Mary Jo Coiro, "Long Term Effects of Parental Divorce on Parent-Child Relationships, Adjustment and Achievement in Young Adulthood." Journal of Family Psychology 7 (1993).

Fatherly influence. Children with fathers at home tend to do better in school, are less prone to depression and are more successful in relationships. Children from one-parent families achieve less and get into trouble more than children from two parent families.

Source: One Parent Families and Their Children: The School's Most Significant Minority, conducted by The Consortium for the Study of School Needs of Children from One Parent Families, co sponsored by the National Association of Elementary School Principals and the Institute for Development of Educational Activities, a division of the Charles F. Kettering Foundation, Arlington, VA., 1980

Divorce disorders. Children whose parents separate are significantly more likely to engage in early sexual activity, abuse drugs, and experience conduct and mood disorders. This effect is especially strong for children whose parents separated when they were five years old or younger.

Source: David M. Fergusson, John Horwood and Michael T. Lynsky, "Parental Separation, Adolescent Psychopathology, and Problem Behaviors," Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 33 (1944).

Troubled marriages, troubled kids. Compared to peers living with both biological parents, sons and daughters of divorced or separated parents exhibited significantly more conduct problems. Daughters of divorced or separated mothers evidenced significantly higher rates of internalizing problems, such as anxiety or depression.

Source: Denise B. Kandel, Emily Rosenbaum and Kevin Chen, "Impact of Maternal Drug Use and Life Experiences on Preadolescent Children Born to Teenage Mothers," Journal of Marriage and the Family56 (1994).

Hungry for love. "Father hunger" often afflicts boys age one and two whose fathers are suddenly and permanently absent. Sleep disturbances, such as trouble falling asleep, nightmares, and night terrors frequently begin within one to three months after the father leaves home.

Source: Alfred A. Messer, "Boys Father Hunger: The Missing Father Syndrome," Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality,January 1989.

Disturbing news: Children of never-married mothers are more than twice as likely to have been treated for an emotional or behavioral problem.

Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Center for Health Statistics, National Health Interview Survey, Hyattsille, MD, 1988

Poor and in trouble: A 1988 Department of Health and Human Services study found that at every income level except the very highest (over $50,000 a year), children living with never-married mothers were more likely than their counterparts in two-parent families to have been expelled or suspended from school, to display emotional problems, and to engage in antisocial behavior.

Source: James Q. Wilson, "In Loco Parentis: Helping Children When Families Fail Them," The Brookings Review, Fall 1993.

Fatherless aggression: In a longitudinal study of 1,197 fourth-grade students, researchers observed "greater levels of aggression in boys from mother-only households than from boys in mother-father households."

Source: N. Vaden-Kierman, N. Ialongo, J. Pearson, and S. Kellam, "Household Family Structure and Children's Aggressive Behavior: A Longitudinal Study of Urban Elementary School Children," Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 23, no. 5 (1995).

Act now, pay later: "Children from mother-only families have less of an ability to delay gratification and poorer impulse control (that is, control over anger and sexual gratification.) These children also have a weaker sense of conscience or sense of right and wrong."

Source: E.M. Hetherington and B. Martin, "Family Interaction" in H.C. Quay and J.S. Werry (eds.), Psychopathological Disorders of Childhood. (New York: John Wiley & Sons, 1979)

Crazy victims: Eighty percent of adolescents in psychiatric hospitals come from broken homes.

Source: J.B. Elshtain, "Family Matters...", Christian Century, July 1993.

Duh to dead: "The economic consequences of a [father's] absence are often accompanied by psychological consequences, which include higher-than-average levels of youth suicide, low intellectual and education performance, and higher-than-average rates of mental illness, violence and drug use."

Source: William Galston, Elaine Kamarck. Progressive Policy Institute. 1993

Expelled: Nationally, 15.3 percent of children living with a never-married mother and 10.7 percent of children living with a divorced mother have been expelled or suspended from school, compared to only 4.4 percent of children living with both biological parents.

Source: Debra Dawson, "Family Structure...", Journal of Marriage and Family, No. 53. 1991.

Violent rejection: Kids who exhibited violent behavior at school were 11 times as likely not to live with their fathers and six times as likely to have parents who were not married. Boys from families with absent fathers are at higher risk for violent behavior than boys from intact families.

Source: J.L. Sheline (et al.), "Risk Factors...", American Journal of Public Health, No. 84. 1994.

That crowd: Children without fathers or with stepfathers were less likely to have friends who think it's important to behave properly in school. They also exhibit more problems with behavior and in achieving goals.

Source: Nicholas Zill, C. W. Nord, "Running in Place," Child Trends, Inc. 1994.

Likeliest to succeed: Kids who live with both biological parents at age 14 are significantly more likely to graduate from high school than those kids who live with a single parent, a parent and step-parent, or neither parent.

Source: G.D. Sandefur (et al.), "The Effects of Parental Marital Status...", Social Forces, September 1992.

Worse to bad: Children in single-parent families tend to score lower on standardized tests and to receive lower grades in school. Children in single-parent families are nearly twice as likely to drop out of school as children from two-parent families.

Source: J.B. Stedman (et al.), "Dropping Out," Congressional Research Service Report No 88-417. 1988.

College odds: Children from disrupted families are 20 percent more unlikely to attend college than kids from intact, two-parent families.

Source: J. Wallerstein, Family Law Quarterly, 20. (Summer 1986)

On their own: Kids living in single-parent homes or in step-families report lower educational expectations on the part of their parents, less parental monitoring of school work, and less overall social supervision than children from intact families.

Source: N.M. Astore and S. McLanahan, Americican Sociological Review, No. 56 (1991)

Double-risk: Fatherless children -- kids living in homes without a stepfather or without contact with their biological father -- are twice as likely to drop out of school.

Source: U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, Survey on Child Health. (1993)

Repeat, repeat: Nationally, 29.7 percent of children living with a never-married mother and 21.5 percent of children living with a divorced mother have repeated at least one grade in school, compared to 11.6 percent of children living with both biological parents.

Source: Debra Dawson, "Family Structure and Children's Well-Being," Journals of Marriage and Family, No. 53. (1991).

Underpaid high achievers: Children from low-income, two-parent families outperform students from high-income, single-parent homes. Almost twice as many high achievers come from two-parent homes as one-parent homes.

Source: "One-Parent Families and Their Children;" Charles F. Kettering Foundation (1990).

Dadless and dumb: At least one-third of children experiencing a parental separation "demonstrated a significant decline in academic performance" persisting at least three years.

Source: L.M.C. Bisnairs (et al.), American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, no. 60 (1990)

Son of Solo: According to a recent study of young, non-custodial fathers who are behind on child support payments, less than half of these men were living with their own father at age 14.

Slip-sliding: Among black children between the ages of 6 to 9 years old, black children in mother-only households scored significantly lower on tests of intellectual ability, than black children living with two parents.

Source: Luster and McAdoo, Child Development 65. 1994.

Dadless dropouts: After taking into account race, socio-economic status, sex, age and ability, high school students from single-parent households were 1.7 times more likely to drop out than were their corresponding counterparts living with both biological parents.

Source: Ralph McNeal, Sociology of Education 88. 1995.

Takes two: Families in which both the child's biological or adoptive parents are present in the household show significantly higher levels of parental involvement in the child's school activities than do mother-only families or step-families.

Source: Zill and Nord, "Running in Place." Child Trends. 1994

Con garden: Forty-three percent of prison inmates grew up in a single-parent household -- 39 percent with their mothers, 4 percent with their fathers -- and an additional 14 percent lived in households without either biological parent. Another 14 percent had spent at last part of their childhood in a foster home, agency or other juvenile institution.

Source: US Bureau of Justice Statistics, Survey of State Prison Inmates. 1991

Criminal moms, criminal kids: The children of single teenage mothers are more at risk for later criminal behavior. In the case of a teenage mother, the absence of a father also increases the risk of harshness from the mother.

Source: M. Mourash, L. Rucker, Crime and Delinquency 35. 1989.

Rearing rapists: Seventy-two percent of adolescent murderers grew up without fathers. Sixty percent of America's rapists grew up the same way.

Source: D. Cornell (et al.), Behavioral Sciences and the Law, 5. 1987. And N. Davidson, "Life Without Father," Policy Review. 1990.

Crime and poverty: The proportion of single-parent households in a community predicts its rate of violent crime and burglary, but the community's poverty level does not.

Source: D.A. Smith and G.R. Jarjoura, "Social Structure and Criminal Victimization," Journal of Research in Crime and Delinquency 25. 1988.

Marriage matters: Only 13 percent of juvenile delinquents come from families in which the biological mother and father are married to each other. By contract, 33 percent have parents who are either divorced or separated and 44 percent have parents who were never married.

Source: Wisconsin Dept. of Health and Social Services, April 1994.

No good time: Compared to boys from intact, two-parent families, teenage boys from disrupted families are not only more likely to be incarcerated for delinquent offenses, but also to manifest worse conduct while incarcerated.

Source: M Eileen Matlock et al., "Family Correlates of Social Skills..." Adolescence 29. 1994.

Count 'em: Seventy percent of juveniles in state reform institutions grew up in single- or no-parent situations.

Source: Alan Beck et al., Survey of Youth in Custody, 1987, US Bureau of Justice Statistics, 1988.

The Main Thing: The relationship between family structure and crime is so strong that controlling for family configuration erases the relationship between race and crime and between low income and crime. This conclusion shows up time and again in the literature.

Source: E. Kamarck, William Galston, Putting Children First, Progressive Policy Inst. 1990

Examples: Teenage fathers are more likely than their childless peers to commit and be convicted of illegal activity, and their offenses are of a more serious nature.

Source: M.A. Pirog-Good, "Teen Father and the Child Support System," in Paternity Establishment, Institute for research on Poverty, Univ. of Wisconsin. 1992.

The 'hood The likelihood that a young male will engage in criminal activity doubles if he is raised without a father and triples if he lives in a neighborhood with a high concentration of single-parent families.

Source: A. Anne Hill, June O'Neill, "Underclass Behaviors in the United States," CUNY, Baruch College. 1993

Bringing the war back home The odds that a boy born in America in 1974 will be murdered are higher than the odds that a serviceman in World War II would be killed in combat.

Source: US Sen. Phil Gramm, 1995

Get ahead at home and at work: Fathers who cared for their children intellectual development and their adolescent's social development were more like to advance in their careers, compared to men who weren't involved in such activities.

Source: J. Snarey, How Fathers Care for the Next Generation.Harvard Univ. Press.

Diaper dads: In 1991, about 20 percent of preschool children were cared for by their fathers -- both married and single. In 1988, the number was 15 percent.

Source: M. O'Connell, "Where's Papa? Father's Role in Child Care," Population Reference Bureau. 1993.

Without leave: Sixty-three percent of 1500 CEOs and human resource directors said it was not reasonable for a father to take a leave after the birth of a child.

Source: J.H. Pleck, "Family Supportive Employer Policies," Center for research in Women. 1991.

Get a job: The number of men who complain that work conflicts with their family responsibilities rose from 12 percent in 1977 to 72 percent in 1989. Meanwhile, 74 percent of men prefer a "daddy track" job to a "fast track" job.

Source: James Levine, The Fatherhood Project.

Long-distance dads: Twenty-six percent of absent fathers live in a different state than their children.

Source: US Bureau of the Census, Statistical Brief . 1991.

Cool Dad of the Week: Among fathers who maintain contact with their children after a divorce, the pattern of the relationship between father-and-child changes. They begin to behave more like relatives than like parents. Instead of helping with homework, nonresident dads are more likely to take the kids shopping, to the movies, or out to dinner. Instead of providing steady advice and guidance, divorced fathers become "treat dads."

Source: F. Furstenberg, A. Cherlin, Divided Families . Harvard Univ. Press. 1991.

Older's not wiser: While 57 percent of unwed dads with kids no older than two visit their children more than once a week, by the time the kid's seven and a half, only 23 percent are in frequent contact with their children.

Source: R. Lerman and Theodora Ooms, Young Unwed Fathers . 1993.

Ten years after: Ten years after the breakup of a marriage, more than two-thirds of kids report not having seen their father for a year.

Source: National Commission on Children, Speaking of Kids. 1991.

No such address: More than half the kids who don't live with their father have never been in their father's house.

Source: F. Furstenberg, A. Cherlin, Divided Families. Harvard Univ. Press. 1991.

Dadless years: About 40 percent of the kids living in fatherless homes haven't seen their dads in a year or more. Of the rest, only one in five sleeps even one night a month at the father's home. And only one in six sees their father once or more per week.

Source: F. Furstenberg, A. Cherlin, Divided Families. Harvard Univ. Press. 1991.

Measuring up? According to a 1992 Gallup poll, more than 50 percent of all adults agreed that fathers today spend less time with their kids than their fathers did with them.

Source: Gallup national random sample conducted for the National Center for Fathering, April 1992.

Father unknown. Of kids living in single-mom households, 35 percent never see their fathers, and another 24 percent see their fathers less than once a month.

Source: J.A. Selzer, "Children's Contact with Absent Parents," Journal of Marriage and the Family, 50 (1988).

Missed contact: In a study of 304 young adults, those whose parents divorced after they left home had significantly less contact with their fathers than adult children who parents remained married. Weekly contact with their children dropped from 78 percent for still-married fathers to 44 percent for divorced fathers.

Source: William Aquilino, "Later Life Parental Divorce and Widowhood," Journal of Marriage and the Family 56. 1994.

Commercial breaks: The amount of time a father spends with his child -- one-on-one -- averages less than 10 minutes a day.

Source: J. P. Robinson, et al., "The Rhythm of Everyday Life." Westview Press. 1988

High risk: Overall, more than 75 percent of American children are at risk because of paternal deprivation. Even in two-parent homes, fewer than 25 percent of young boys and girls experience an average of at least one hour a day of relatively individualized contact with their fathers.

Source: Henry Biller, "The Father Factor..." a paper based on presentations during meetings with William Galston, Deputy Director, Domestic Policy, Clinton White House, December 1993 and April 1994.

Knock, knock: Of children age 5 to 14, 1.6 million return home to houses where there is no adult present.

Source: U.S. Bureau of the Census, "Who's Minding the Kids?" Statistical Brief. April 1994.

Who said talk's cheap? Almost 20 percent of sixth- through twelfth-graders have not had a good conversation lasting for at least 10 minutes with at least one of their parents in more than a month.

Source: Peter Benson, "The Troubled Journey." Search Institute. 1993.

Justified guilt. A 1990 L.A. Times poll found that 57 percent of all fathers and 55 percent of all mothers feel guilty about not spending enough time with their children.

Source: Lynn Smith and Bob Sipchen, "Two Career Family Dilemma," Los Angeles Times, Aug. 12, 1990.

Who are you, mister? In 1965, parents on average spent approximately 30 hours a week with their kids. By 1985, the amount of time had fallen to 17 hours.

Source: William Mattox, "The Parent Trap." Policy Review. Winter, 1991.

Waiting Works: Only eight percent of those who finished high school, got married before having a child, and waited until age 20 to have that child were living in poverty in 1992.

Source: William Galston, "Beyond the Murphy Brown Debate." Institute for Family Values. Dec. 10, 1993.

More Statistics

 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census) 

 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes 

 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: Center for Disease Control) 

 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes (Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978.) 

 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools.) 

 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes (Source: Rainbows for all God`s Children.) 

 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988) 

 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992) 

The State of Fatherhood

 37.9% of fathers have no access/visitation rights. (Source: p.6, col.II, para. 6, lines 4 & 5, Census Bureau P-60, #173, Sept 1991.) 

 "40% of mothers reported that they had interfered with the non-custodial father's visitation on at least one occasion, to punish the ex-spouse." (Source: p. 449, col. II, lines 3-6, (citing Fulton) Frequency of visitation by Divorced Fathers; Differences in Reports by Fathers and Mothers. Sanford Braver et al, Am. J. of Orthopsychiatry, 1991.) 

 "Overall, approximately 50% of mothers "see no value in the father`s continued contact with his children...." (Source: Surviving the Breakup, Joan Kelly & Judith Wallerstein, p. 125) 

 Only 11% of mothers value their husband's input when it comes to handling problems with their kids. Teachers & doctors rated 45%, and close friends & relatives rated 16%. (Source: EDK Associates survey of 500 women for Redbook Magazine. Redbook, November 1994, p. 36) 

 "The former spouse (mother) was the greatest obstacle to having more frequent contact with the children." (Source: Increasing our understanding of fathers who have infrequent contact with their children, James Dudley, Family Relations, Vol. 4, p. 281, July 1991.) 

 "A clear majority (70%) of fathers felt that they had too little time with their children." (Source: Visitation and the Noncustodial Father, Mary Ann Kock & Carol Lowery, Journal of Divorce, Vol. 8, No. 2, p. 54, Winter 1984.) 

 "Very few of the children were satisfied with the amount of contact with their fathers, after divorce."(Source: Visitation and the Noncustodial Father, Koch & Lowery, Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, Vol. 8, No. 2, p. 50, Winter 1984.) 

 "Feelings of anger towards their former spouses hindered effective involvement on the part of fathers; angry mothers would sometimes sabotage father's efforts to visit their children." (Source: Ahrons and Miller, Am. Journal of Orthopsychiatry, Vol. 63. p. 442, July `93.) 

 "Mothers may prevent visits to retaliate against fathers for problems in their marital or post-marital relationship." (Source: Seltzer, Shaeffer & Charing, Journal of Marriage & the Family, Vol. 51, p. 1015, November 1989.) 

 In a study: "Visitational Interference - A National Study" by Ms. J Annette Vanini, M.S.W. and Edward Nichols, M.S.W., it was found that 77% of non-custodial fathers are NOT able to "visit" their children, as ordered by the court, as a result of "visitation interference" perpetuated by the custodial parent. In other words, non-compliance with court ordered visitation is three times the problem of non-compliance with court ordered child support and impacts the children of divorce even more. (Originally published Sept. 1992) 

Child Support

 Information from multiple sources show that only 10% of all noncustodial fathers fit the "deadbeat dad" category: 90% of the fathers with joint custody paid the support due. Fathers with visitation rights pay 79.1%; and 44.5% of those with NO visitation rights still financially support their children. (Source: Census Bureau report. Series P-23, No. 173). 

 Additionally, of those not paying support, 66% are not doing so because they lack the financial resources to pay (Source: GAO report: GAO/HRD-92-39 FS). 

 52% of fathers who owe child support earn less than $6,155 per year. (Source: The Poverty Studies Institute at the University of Wisconsin, Madison,1993) 

 66% of single mothers work less than full time while only 10% of fathers fall into this category. In addition, almost 47% of non-custodial mothers default on support compared with the 27% of fathers who default.(Source: Garansky and Meyer, DHHS Technical Analysis Paper No. 42, 1991). 

 66% of all support not paid by non-custodial fathers is due to inability to pay. (Source: U.S. General Accounting Office Report, GAO/HRD-92-39FS January 1992). 

 Total Custodial Mothers: 11,268,000 

 Total Custodial Fathers: 2,907,000 (Source: Current Population Reports, U.S. Bureau of the Census, Series P-20, No. 458, 1991). 

The following is sourced from: Technical Analysis Paper No. 42, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office of Income Security Policy, Oct. 1991, Authors: Meyer and Garansky.

 Custodial mothers who receive a support award: 79.6% 

 Custodial fathers who receive a support award: 29.9% 

 Non-custodial mothers who totally default on support: 46.9% 

 Non-custodial fathers who totally default on support: 26.9% 

False accusations of abuse:

 160,000 reports of suspected child abuse were reported in 1963. That number exploded to 1.7 million in 1985. 

 There were more than three million reports of alleged child abuse and neglect in 1995. However, two million of those complaints were without foundation or false! (Source: National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect (NCCAN) Child Maltreatment 1995: Reports From the States to the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System) 

Infamous Fatherless People

BILLY THE KID 

SADDAM HUSSEIN 

SIRHAN SIRHAN 

ADOLPH HITLER 

ROBERT GRAYSMITH

(ZODIAC SERIAL KILLER) 

MARC LEPINE

(MASS MURDERER OF 14) 

JACK THE RIPPER 

LEE HARVEY OSWALD 

JOHN WILKES BOOTH 

JEFFREY DAHMER 

CHARLES MANSON(CULT LEADER)

"MONSTER" CODY

(L.A. CRIPS GANGLORD) 

                   

Negative Education Effects of Growing Up in a Fatherless Home

Negative Education Effects of Growing Up in a Fatherless Home

By Beverly Bird, eHow Contributor

Children from fatherless households tend to fare worse academically for several reasons.

Single mothers headed nearly 10 million American households in 2010, according to Catalyst.org. More than 65 percent of those mothers worked outside the home to make ends meet. This, as well as availability to health insurance, a support system of extended family members, and whether or not the father contributes financially to the household, appears to affect the grades of children growing up in fatherless homes.

Financial Considerations

Often -- but not always -- absent fathers pay child support. According to Adoption.com, academic test scores of children whose fathers do not contribute financially to their households are lower than those whose fathers do. However, Adoption.com notes that fathers who do pay support usually remain more active in their children's lives, and this could have as much to do with their academic performance as overall household incomes.

Overworked Mothers

The majority of single mothers who hold down jobs have less time to spend with their children, to help with their homework and to oversee school projects. Even if they work during hours when their children are in school, they may spend their evenings catching up with chores and other family responsibilities. Adoption.com theorizes that this, too, affects their children's economic performance. Working single mothers are also less likely to be able to remain active with parent-teacher associations and parent-assisted activities at school.

Health Issues

Children in fatherless households have a higher rate of school absenteeism, according to JRank. Illnesses can result from substandard living conditions stemming from insufficient income, and from single mothers not knowing where to go for affordable health insurance. Without insurance, visits to the pediatrician can be financially prohibitive and illnesses might linger longer than they would with care and medication. The National Center for Children in Poverty reports that children who miss more than 10 percent of their classes a year score significantly lower in general knowledge, math and reading.

Social Factors

"Psychology Today" indicates that not all children from fatherless households perform poorly academically. Fatherless children who have a strong support system of extended family members, concerned teachers and family friends tend to fare better than those who do not. This may not include a mother's boyfriend or new husband, however. Adoption.com indicates that when single mothers become involved with another man, their children may actually receive even less parental support from them, especially when stepchildren are involved. Children can feel displaced and, in turn, this can result in behavioral problems and a dip in academic performance.

A Warning for Indian Bachelors

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A Warning for Indian Bachelors

Essential reading for men planning to get married in India.

Beware of the legal havoc that your wife can unleash on you and your innocent family members.

Protect yourself and your family from years of imprisonment, harassment, blackmail, extortion and false litigation by an unscrupulous Indian wife and her family.

Last updated: Oct 02, 2012

A Warning For Indian Bachelors

Table of Contents

Table of  Contents ... 2

1) Introduction ... 3

2) Who are we?... 3

3) Current Indian Laws regarding Marriage ...4

4. Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality and Future 498A girl/family ...4

5. Precautions... 5

5.1) Preliminary precautions...5

5.2) During courtship...6

5.3) During Marriage Ceremonies...8

5.4) After Marriage...8

6) Miscellaneous... 9

7) Frequently Asked Questions...9

8) Helplines and websites for men in distress...12

9) What can I do?... 12

10. Addendum... 12

10.1) IPC 498A... 13

10.2) Dowry Prohibition Act...13

10.3) IPC 406... 13

10.3a) Istreedhan... 14

10.4) DV Act... 14

10.5) Maintenance for wife under CrPC 125 / HMA 24 / Sec 22 DV...15

10.6) Alimony... 15

10.7) Adultery... 15

10.8) Child custody and visitation...15

10.9) Upcoming gender-biased laws...16

10.9a) Salary to wife... 16

10.9b) IrBM (Irretrievable breakdown of marriage)...16

A Warning For Indian Bachelors

1) Introduction

Dear Eligible Bachelor,

So you are thinking of getting married? Congratulations! But before you start on this wonderful new journey, please be aware of some Indian marriage laws that could easily destroy your life, sanity, reputation and assets if you marry the wrong woman.

You will be surprised to learn that in the year 2011 alone, as many as 1,39,403 men(husbands/ husband’s father/ brothers /male relatives) and 41,298 women (husband’smother/ sisters/ female relatives) were arrested under such cruel laws.

Understandably, in 2011 itself 62,433 Indian husbands committed suicide (i.e. a suicide every 9 minutes) because of legal pressures and harassment unleashed on them by their wives and in-laws. With thousands of cases (498A) happening per year, this is a social time-bomb! Please note that these laws are applicable only if you marry a girl from India, because no other country approves of such ridiculously one-sided and gender biased laws.

We know, you are probably thinking that this will never happen to you. Well, we sincerely hope so too. But please do yourself a favor and read on, because this knowledge could prove to be a life-saver in case your wife turns out to be different from what she currently seems to be. We are not trying to scare you off from marrying your loved one, but just informing you of the true and bitter experiences of millions of Indian men like us who ended up being jailed, harassed, blackmailed and extorted by their unscrupulous wives and in-laws.

2) Who are we?

“We are the ones who got hit. Now we are trying to save you”.

We are a group of voluntary activists who have so far saved thousands of innocent husbands and their families from going to jail (if they contacted us before it was too late). We offer help free of cost and our members meet on weekly basis in their respective cities across India and abroad to provide support to victims. We guide them how to defend themselves legally and make their opposition run for their money. We also try our best to warn potential victims (like you) and we join our hands to oppose more such upcoming gender-biased laws that are currently being drafted.

Our average age is 30, and most of us are well qualified engineers, doctors, and MBAs from prestigious institutions in India and abroad. We were doing very well in our careers before we found ourselves dragged into false cases that were fabricated by our wives and in-laws. We all have either faced/are facing/or are about to face such falseaccusations based on misuse of Indian women-oriented laws. Many of us and our family members were forced into jails for no fault of ours. While suffering due to such inhuman laws ourselves, we realized the importance of timely and accurate information, which we are now spreading through this document. Even if you never face the same

A Warning For Indian Bachelors

nightmare as we did, pass this information on to someone who might be harassed and victimized by his wife and in-laws.

3) Current Indian Laws regarding Marriage

The current legal system in regards to marriage laws is highly anti-male. There are more than a dozen anti-male, inhuman and unconstitutional gender-biased laws which openly flout principles of natural justice, and many more such laws are coming up (see addendum for details). These laws are spoiling the marriage system and divorce rate is on the rise. Once you are trapped, it is next to impossible to escape the nexus of feminist-lawyers-judges-government. You may need anywhere between 5 to 10 years to prove your innocence.

Note: Because of rising awareness about misuse of women-oriented laws, more and more men are refusing to get married to a girl/in a family where false 498A cases were previously filed. We have found that such girls are generally doomed to a terrible life once they start false litigations against their husbands and in-laws. It is very difficult for them to find their next victim when they get tagged as “498A” women. They then realize that they will likely live alone for the rest of their lives, and therefore, they drag cases in courts against their former husbands to extort as much money as possible. If you are the one being trapped as their next victim (husband), then please watch out. It is a well known fact that 498A women are like leeches who will eventually suck the blood of the very man who has fed her, loved her and taken care of her!

There are various laws that are being misused by women against husbands you need to be aware of. These are discussed more in detail in the Addendum, at the end of this document.

4. Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality and Future 498A girl/family

If your girlfriend/fiancé or her family is displaying a combination of these behaviors, then you might be dealing with a potential 498A abuser.

1. Her family: Is newly-rich, likes to show-off their house/cars/paintings/relatives/ connections. They are related to politicians/bureaucrats/lawyers/judges/police officers. They may be living beyond their means. They may have a history of filing cases against anybody and everybody (search the website of the courts in their state of residence). They may beat up their employees. Women in their family may have been in more than one previous relationship.

2. Commitment Pusher: She comes on very strong, claiming, "I've/we’ve never felt loved like this by anyone/or so close to anybody." An abusive girl/her family will put pressure on you/your family for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

3. Jealous: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; smells your jacket for perfume residue; checks your shirt collar for lipstick marks; and goes through your pockets secretly.

A Warning For Indian Bachelors

4. Control freak: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; wants her name on all your assets and controls all the money. Checks your laptop/mobile for possible clues all the time.

5. Unrealistic: Expects you to be the perfect man and meet her and her family's every need, however unrealistic.

6. Divider & Ruler: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses your well- wishers of "causing trouble”.

7. Attention seeker: These girls are always needy and seeking attention. They would never allow you to mix socially, especially with the opposite sex, even if she is your cousin.

8. Blame-gamer: Boss/employee/ex-boyfriend/ex-husband - it's always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong in her life.

9. Holds everyone else responsible for her own feelings: She will say "You make me angry” instead of "I am angry” or, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you." You would almost never hear her say "You make me happy".

10. Hypersensitive: Is easily insulted; claims that her feelings are hurt when she is really mad. She'll rant about how unjust people are to her even if they are quite fair.

11. Unbalanced rigid society roles: Expects you to serve and obey her/her family but would never follow societal expectations of a woman.

12. Sudden mood swings: Switches from sweetly loving to explosively violent in a matter of minutes or, even worse, seconds. You’ll feel you are walking on "eggshells" all the time.

13. Threatening: Makes statements like, "My parents will support me even if I murder someone," or "A woman is always right/the system should always believe the woman," or "I will cut you up the way a fisherman slices a fish," and then dismisses her own threats with, "Oh, everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it." If things have come this far, it is high time you get help and get out before it is too late!

5. Precautions

There is NO sure shot formula to completely avoid being hit by false cases based on gender-biased laws. So instead of telling you “don’t marry at all”, we have compiled some practical tips that you can use to protect yourself. If the girl you are planning to marry sounds like the one described below, PLEASE STOP before it’s too late. Save yourself and your family. There are millions of good girls out there. Continue your search for another partner, you will surely find your soul mate.

5.1) Preliminary precautions

DO NOT marry in a family in which the girl, sister or even a cousin ever filed a 498A case. Our experience indicates that families in which women previously filed false dowry cases will file it in future as well. We strongly recommend to completely boycott girls and families that have filed false 498A cases.

DO conduct a background check of her family and verify that they don’t have a criminal background/court cases/unlawful businesses, especially if the girl is from another city. Use a detective if you can afford one. This may sound like wastage but is worth it.

A Warning For Indian Bachelors

If this is her second marriage, then be even more cautious. Often such girls have harassed their previous husbands with such laws and possibly extorted large sums of money from them. Check her divorce papers; seek information using RTI (Right to Information Act of 2005) from her local police station or court. Divorce papers not only mean “Divorce decree”. Please don’t forget to see MOU(Memorandum of Understanding) attached with it.

Try to investigate if the girl’s family has a pattern of quick divorces. If so, you might just be a link in a long series of men that this family plans to extort one after another.

If you believe in astrology, get an expert to do the match-making of not only “gun- milaan” but also complete “Kundli milaan”.

5.2) During courtship

Be wary of the personality signs described in the section 4“Warning Signs of an abusive personality and future 498A girl/family”.

Be cautious, if she and her parents are living beyond their means and like to flaunt their designer shoes, clothes, cars etc. Research and see if they have gone under a huge amount of debt just to pretend to be “rich and famous”.

Often 498A families have political connections and would use such connections to abuse the laws and threaten husbands for money. Check if they talk about such connections or boast about them.

If the girl or her parents casually talk about police, courts, laws, litigation etc, then be very cautious.

Often the mother of such girls dominates the father; and sisters of such girls dominate their husbands. You should be able to spot this.

Her parents might pretend to be very religious, honest and hardworking before the marriage and slowly you might start to realize that they actually speak in a very foul-mouthed manner amongst themselves. This is a clear sign of a two- faced family that you are marrying into.

If the girl you are about to get married to speaks in a very formal and submissive manner to you, but speaks in a totally different tone with her other family members or friends, then treat this as a warning sign.

Often such girls are insecure and start feeling jealous very easily. You should be able to spot this. Try complimenting an actress on her beauty/figure or even acting skills, you might get to see a glimpse of what lies ahead of you.

A Warning For Indian Bachelors

Often such girls suffer from various mental health disorders. Common ones are Bipolar Affective disorder (also known as Manic Depressive disorder), Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Check her medicines and medical records for the diagnosis.

Often such girls are vindictive and revengeful. Ask her the worst that she has done to someone to teach him/her a lesson. This will give you an indication of how inhuman she can be when push comes to shove.

The girl might often tell you during the courtship period that she has a terrible temper whenever she sees any injustice. This may sound reasonable and cute initially, but treat this as a warning sign because after marriage, anything that does not go according to her wishes might be interpreted as a terrible injustice in her mind.

Often such girls have mastered the art of lying. They have plenty of men wanting them and they expertly exploit others with their sweet talk. Check how many male and female friends they have and what do their friends say about her (especially other girls).

During the courtship period, if the girl NEVER talks about her family members and quickly changes the subject if you happen to ask, then do not ignore this warning. That family might have a past that they do not wish to divulge.

During the courtship period, she might tell you that she is not ambitious and would just like to stay at home and take care of you and your family. But as your marriage gets closer her ambitions will shift and you will be expected to fulfill her wishes to study abroad, find her a job with excellent package etc. None of these things are wrong by themselves, but be wary of a girl who becomes ambitious in substantial increments as the relationship progresses.

If the girl asks you questions in passing about “who owns this house” and “in whose name is that car”, then be wary if such questions exceed a reasonable limit. Listen to your gut feeling. Don’t disregard your instincts – your instincts are there to protect you.

If the girl’s family suddenly shifts to another city or changes their family business

immediately before the wedding, then treat that as a warning sign.

If the girl’s family starts asking you for business favors, loans and investment in their schemes even before the wedding, tread cautiously.

Often such girls or their family would ask you for your salary slip and/or property documents before marriage which should have no bearing on your marriage. Alarm bells should start ringing in your head if they ask you for any of these. These are later used by such girls and their families in court to extract huge

amounts of money off you.

A Warning For Indian Bachelors

5.3) During Marriage Ceremonies

If her parents insist on a lavish wedding DESPITE you pressing for a simple wedding, then this might be a trap. Please do not put yourself or your parents at risk.

DO prepare a list of all gifts given or taken during marriage. Get it signed by the bride as well as the bridegroom, along with two witnesses.

Her parents might behave questionably during the wedding. For example, if they are video recording every little detail, exchange of gifts etc; they might be preparing to file a false dowry case on you later on. Be extra cautious if this is the second marriage of the girl.

If your in-laws are gifting or paying for expenses through cheques/drafts, take this as a sure shot sign. They will use these to file false cases of dowry harassment.

Groom’s side also spends extensively but often does not keep records of purchasing expensive clothes, accessories, celebration expenses etc. DO keep all VAT paid bills.

Always keep the bills of gold and other jewelry that you purchase for her.

5.4) After Marriage

If possible, DO NOT buy any property on your name till the time you are sure that you have married the right person. It might take a few years to be certain, but it is better to be safe than to be sorry for the rest of your life.

DO NOT disclose your bank account/email passwords to her, not at least for the first few years into marriage.

Get your marriage registered in SDM office and mention on affidavit (from both sides) that “No dowry were exchanged before/during and after marriage”. Keep the copy of affidavit with you.

Do keep all record of money spent on honeymoon, clothing, household expenses, fine dining, medical bills etc (as girls later claim that they were deprived of all this in their matrimonial homes).

Keep regular snaps and videos of good times when you go out to celebrate, dine, watch movies, socialize and travel with your wife. These will serve as proofs in your favor if she decides to file false case of cruelty against you later. She might claim that she was never allowed to go out of the house, was beaten daily, and was never allowed to meet people, spend any money, or do anything besides household chores like a slave.

A Warning For Indian Bachelors

6) Miscellaneous

In the addendum section below, you will come of know of some laws that she and her family members can misuse to harass you to death. There were cases where even the husband’s 92 year old grandmother and 6 year old nephew were arrested under false cases! You will need to keep going to courts since the gender biased laws make the State fight against you, and the State has no problem dragging the matter for decades. It’s a business for everyone - Police, Judicial system, the girl and her family – they will make loads of money off of you. If your in-laws have a malicious bent of mind and God forbid if your wife happens to meet with an accident or unnatural death within 7 years from the date of marriage, chances are that this event will be termed as a “dowry-death” and you will surely have a very hard time proving yourself and your family innocent. Bail is also not easy in such laws and the burden to prove yourself innocent lies on you. Girl or her family doesn’t have to substantiate their accusations with proof to make your life a living hell.

7) Frequently Asked Questions

If I shout at my wife in self-defense, can she file a case against me?

She could file a case against you claiming that you have harassed and tortured her with

domestic abuse. She may wish to add the ‘498A’ section along. Don’t ever shout at her, even in self-defense.

If I am slapped and kicked by my wife, even if it is unprovoked, can I charge her under Domestic Violence act?

Kindly accept our apologies to break this news to you. You are a man. This act is created for women only, you have no such rights. You can’t even shout back, let alone hit!

Can I have a prenuptial agreement that will save me from future problems?

Prenuptial agreements are not valid in India, hence will be of no use.

How much financial loss will I suffer if things don’t work out between me and my wife?

There is no certain way of telling. Given the current climate, you may end up losing at least half of all your assets, irrespective of the duration of your marriage.

Is there absolutely no way I can protect myself/ my parents if things go wrong in future?

Although there is no 100% way to be completely safe, you can safeguard yourself and your parents by learning from this document, and attending local meetings of the support group as soon as possible for further detailed suggestions.

My sister wants to get married to a guy whose sister has filed a 498A case.

Should she?

Please protect your sister from this family. This guy may be absolutely fine, but a woman who has filed a 498A is likely to be vindictive and nasty. Please do not risk your sister’s life by marrying her in that family. A 498A woman is the most discontented

A Warning For Indian Bachelors

woman you can find, so keep your sister away from such a woman. Also, it is possible that her brother might have himself provoked her to lodge the previous false complaints.

He might cause trouble for your sister in future too. We strongly advise to stay away

from 498A families.

Can you provide me with a good lawyer at later stage, if required?

We do not advertise or suggest any lawyers or law agencies. The same lawyer could turn out to be good for one and bad for another. But we can suggest that you get advice from a criminal lawyer and not civil or family lawyer.

Is there any punishment for a woman if she files false cases?

NO, there is absolutely no punishment for her even if she is proved to have filed a false case.

My marriage is more than seven years old. I have heard that dowry complaint can only be filed within seven years. Can she still file the same?

Yes, very much. Seven years restriction is not applicable to 498A.

Is it a good idea to employ a detective to gather background information on the girl?

Money spent before difficulties arise is always better. We do not advertise any detectives; however you may be inclined to use someone who has already been successfully used by one of the volunteers before.

If my wife troubles me in future, she is the one who will suffer the most, isn’t it?

It’s hard to predict and measure suffering. But an easy way to understand this is by considering suicide rates. Twice as many married men commit suicides than married women. Think about it.

Well, my mother and sister are also women; they will have the same rights as my wife. They can use their rights and powers against my wife if required?

Yes and No. Unfortunately, the laws and ministries in India are made to support wives

rather than women per se. Your mother and sister can support you and help you save your family, but your wife will always have more legal and political power than them.

The Indian legal machinery works to protect the interest of one woman (wife) while denying the basic human rights to three or four other women of your family (mother, sisters, sister-in-laws). This is how the Indian gender-based laws work, sadly.

I am not sure if you are telling the truth here or just trying to spread mass psychosis?

We are a social activist group. We give our time and efforts to help people like you and

those who are already trapped. We suggest that you go on the internet and search for ‘498A’, ‘Legal terrorism’ and ‘misuse of gender biased laws’. Then you can decide yourself how you wish to plan your life ahead.

A Warning For Indian Bachelors

What if one of my friends is married to someone who has a family member who filed a 498A in the past?

If you are a good friend, you can do two things. Advise him to contact us immediately

and secondly pray for him. An apology for the comparison drawn here, but a 498A woman is like a rabid animal - if you are bitten, the chances of your survival are almost nil, unless you immediately seek medical attention. This answer comes from a doctor who has experienced a 498A woman.

I am in Love with this girl and I want to marry her despite knowing that her sister filed a 498A on her previous husband. What should I do?

Love is a beautiful feeling and we respect and appreciate that. End of the day, it is your

choice if you wish to take the risk or not. We would suggest a few things as mentioned in this document to safeguard yourself and your elderly parents who deserve a peaceful retirement after having worked hard all their lives to support you and your sibling(s).

Although, we strongly advise you NOT to get married in a 498A family.

Let’s say I ignore this warning document and get married. Would you decline to help me if I came to seek your help in future?

We are a social activist group, and provide free support irrespective of caste, creed and

religion. We would not decline any support to you but would rather feel even sorrier for you. Almost everyone who comes to us has already committed that mistake in naivety.

You may wish to learn from your own mistakes or the mistakes of others. The choice is

yours.

If I don't get married and stay in a live-in relationship, how safe will I be?

Apart from the dowry law (498A), she can still file Domestic Violence, maintenance and rape charges against you if things don’t go her way. So be careful.

I am not a Hindu; all these gender biased laws are against Hindus. Am I right?

Just as terrorism doesn’t look at religion; 498A too doesn’t have any restriction on the

basis of religion. We have activists and victims from all religions.

I am a rich guy. I don’t need money or dowry from anyone. I am sure if my wife complains, the Police and Judiciary will be able to see through her trap. Isn’t it?

You are right; they are likely to see through the trap. Most police officers and judges

know about the laws being misused. But the Police officers want to extract money out of

you and the judges don’t want to go against the feminists. You will have to be dragged into the courtroom and maybe into jail till you prove your innocence.

I am a poor guy. The girl I am marrying is rich. Can she ask for maintenance and alimony if we were to go separate ways?

Yes she can. It does not matter if her financial status is higher than yours. Remember, it is a one way traffic. Money always flows from Man to woman in the Indian legal system.

A Warning For Indian Bachelors

Well I have read the law. It says giving and receiving dowry both are offences.

So if my wife's family claims that I received dowry, then they are also committing an offence. Would they not be equally guilty and hence be punished?

Yes and No. Yes they are guilty as per the law, but they will not be punished. Even if

you complain to the Police that your in-laws are giving you dowry against your wishes, they will not be punished. Such is the law unfortunately and hence men suffer. This is exactly the kind of injustice that we fight against.

P.S: If in doubt about any of these FAQ’s, you may wish to visit your local Police station and check informally about these laws, or you may visit the local family court or even a simple Google search might be sufficient. Better still; visit us during our weekly meetings where we help victims of such misuse. Prevention is always better than cure.

8) Helplines and websites for men in distress

Please don’t hesitate to contact any one from your city in the list available on these websites. The longer you delay, the deeper you will sink, and the harder it will be for you

and your family to survive the trauma.

All help lines are managed by former victims themselves and they do not charge anything for advice. In case anyone asks you for any money, please bring this to our notice.

http://www.498a.org

http://www.saveindianfamily.org

http://sahodar.org/

http://mynation.net/

9) What can I do?

Depending on your current situation, there is a lot you can do:

• You should stop judging other men negatively as soon as a woman complains against them.

• You should question social constructs which force men to earn manhood or suffer abuse because it is considered unmanly to raise voice against such abuse.

• You should challenge all forms of anti-male attitudes, laws and media content.

• You should be aware of such incidents in your area and support the family against these biased laws.

• You should stop believing that Girls/Women are always right and men are always wrong.

• You must join a Men’s organization locally and fight against misuse of such gender

biased laws especially if you have suffered because of these. If there is no such local organization, then start one yourself and others would join.

10. Addendum

Please read about the various laws that are being misused by women to harass husbands and

their families. This is only an overview of the laws. You may wish to gather detailed information from us or from your family lawyer.

A Warning For Indian Bachelors

10.1) IPC 498A

You might be amazed to learn about the amount of legal ammunition that the Indian government provides to a wife under section IPC 498A. Imagine if you have a small disagreement with your wife and she (through her own will or instigated by someone in her family) decides to teach you a lesson and writes a short letter to the police station saying that you are being cruel to her and harassing her for dowry. She might choose to be creative and cook up imaginary incidents of cruelty to herself. Suddenly, you will find yourself (and your parents, siblings, their spouses and even distant relatives) in jail! Your jail sentence

might be extended up to three years. You might have to pay crores of Rupees and all your assets to get out of that nightmare. Once you are in that web, you are at the mercy of your wife and in-laws and might have to bow to their unreasonable demands.

Honorable Supreme Court of India has termed 498a as "Legal terrorism" but the law continues to be misused.

498A is the most dangerous criminal provision across the globe in matrimonial disputes. As long as you keep following your wife’s orders like a lamb, all will be fine, but if you dare to disobey her (including her demand to dump your own parents and start supportingher parents instead) you/your parents/ relatives/ friends everybody will be booked under IPC 498A. It is non-bailable and there is no “undo” for it once your wife slaps it on you and your family. There are hundreds of such victims and horror stories in India. A simple

Google search on the matter will reveal the shocking truth. Please read more

about it at www.498a.org

10.2) Dowry Prohibition Act

You are an educated, hard-working, modern man who does not believe in the traditional practices of dowry. Good for you! But let’s say that at your wedding, your wife’s family (through their own free will), decides to gift you a watch, flat, car, electronics, clothes, furniture, and/or any form of “Shagun”. Fair enough, it’s a gift that they gave you to show their love and affection. But then one day, you get a legal notice saying that your wife has complained that you and your parents are dowry-seeking demons who forced her and her family to give you those very items as dowry! For extra effect, she might also add a few crores worth of other imaginary items allegedly given to you as dowry. The law will blindly believe her and ask you to pay back immediately. Though you are completely innocent, it will take you approximately 7 years in court to prove your innocence. Everything that they give you (even forcibly)  will be falsely termed as dowry demanded by you.

10.3) IPC 406

One fine day when you come back from work, you realize that she is gone and has taken all her jewelry and other expensive items from your house (including the ones you/your parents gave her). But then, you find out that YOU are slapped with section 406 for criminal breach of trust on misappropriation of "Istreedhan".

(Anything and everything given to a woman at marriage can be counted as Istreedhan). Then some days later, your wife can come to your house accompanied by the Police to reclaim her items. Whatever she lays her finger on,

A Warning For Indian Bachelors

the Police will believe it to be hers and take it away from your house – like coolies. You will not be able to do anything to stop this legal dacoity.

If you yourself happen to be arrested under section 406, then you will not be able to get bail as this offence is non-bailable. Most husbands victimized by the misuse of this law spend at least 1 month in jail on average for NO fault of theirs.

It is almost too easy for a woman to get you and your family pronounced as criminals - even though she is the burglar herself.

Istreedhan is a traditional practice that was primarily meant to provide women with some level of economic security in adverse situations like divorce, widowhood, etc. Among Hindus, it is interpreted in various ways; in general, Istreedhan is defined as that portion of a woman’s wealth over which she alone has the power to sell, gift, mortgage, lease or exchange—whole or in parts.

Usually, Istreedhan is passed from mother to daughter, unless the woman decides otherwise. Any dues from her can also be recovered from her Istreedhan.

Besides ornaments and trousseau given at marriage, Istreedhan also includes all the gifts of money, property, jewelry etc. received by the woman before, during and after marriage from her family, her husband’s family, friends and even strangers. It includes property inherited by the woman from her family or husband’s family; property received by her under a compromise, adverse

possession or in lieu of maintenance; property obtained in partition; and property bought using proceeds from Istreedhan. However, gifts to the husband by the woman or her relatives will not be part of her Istreedhan. In the case of a working woman, the law under Section 14 of the Hindu Succession Act, 1956 enumerates that the property acquired by means of a woman’s earnings, during her maidenhood as well as widowhood, is her Istreedhan.

10.4) DV Act

Even if you, or any of your family members, make a light-hearted remark to her that she does not like, she can go ahead and slap a DV (Domestic Violence) case on you. According to the Indian legal system, she does not need any proof to slap a DV case on you. Then she will misuse the DV law to obtain a Protection Order/Residence Order to throw you and your parents out of your own house. She will be able to continue living in YOUR house (possibly with her boyfriend).

In addition, she can make YOU pay her a handsome monthly maintenance to live luxuriously while you are out on the streets grinding your teeth.

She can conveniently use any definition of “abuse” to frame you as an abuser in front of the Police or the Judge. For instance, even name calling is punishable under DV law! She will get away with fabricating all kinds of ridiculous stories against you (e.g. you have been physically hurting, scaring, and harassing her), and YOU will have to prove your innocence. Furthermore, she can do all of the above to your parents and family members as well. This DV act is NOT for protecting males. Even if your wife or mother in-law slaps/beats you, you cannot do anything. As you can  imagine, such a woman can threaten you into Istreedhan

A Warning For Indian Bachelors

living like a dog in your own house. Unfortunately, this is quickly becoming the reality of most modern Indian marriages. Simply search on the internet for the DV law and you will be shocked to find out how prevalent it is.

10.5) Maintenance for wife under CrPC 125 / HMA 24 / Sec 22 DV

She can ask you for maintenance under ALL these sections and as per recent judgments; you will have to maintain her at the same living standards that she was accustomed to before marriage or after marriage, whichever is higher. If your wife is the greedy type, she may also ask to increase her maintenance

amount in case you get a salary hike even after years of separation! People have even been asked to sell their kidneys to pay maintenance amounts or else go to jail.

10.6) Alimony

She will ask for the sky when it comes to Alimony. Since she will project herself as an "abla naari" in the eyes of the court, she is very likely to get what she asks for. The demand of Alimony starts from a few crores these day for those living in metropolitan cities. For those living in smaller cities, it roughly starts from 1 crore and finally depends on your ability to negotiate with your wife and in-laws. You can decide for yourself which category you fall into and what amount you might have to shell out in future. NRI’s are an easy target for extortion through alimony and maintenance.

10.7) Adultery

Adultery is voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than the lawful spouse. If you find out that your wife is adulterous, you cannot file for divorce JUST on that basis. For example, even if you found out that your wife had a one-night stand yesterday, the court will say that “she WAS living in adultery” but she IS your wife NOW whom you HAVE TO support and maintain. This is the case even if you catch your wife red-handed. The most you will be able to do is to file a case of Adultery on her paramour (your wife will be immune to any legal prosecution under the Indian legal system). So, two men will  fight while she will move on to someone else. However, you, being a man, don’t enjoy any such privileges. Heavens forbid, if YOU make the mistake of having an extramarital affair, she will cause all hell to break loose on you. She can file for divorce, seek alimony and maintenance. You will lose your kids - if any, your marriage, social standing, money and other assets.

10.8) Child custody and visitation

If you have been blessed with children, then be ready to be separated from them. Indian family courts are very biased and if the child is young, in most of the cases, custody will be given to mothers. You will simply be turned into a giver of monthly cheques with small “Chitrahaar” types weekly visitation rights.

Remember, there is nothing more exciting in this world, than having a child that is yours, and nothing more tragic than having him forced to be a stranger to you.

A Warning For Indian Bachelors

10.9) Upcoming gender-biased laws

Salary to wife

The Union Ministry of Women and Child Development is currently drafting a new law that will make it mandatory for a husband to pay a definite amount from his monthly income to his wife. According to this law, it does not matter whether she has a job or not, whether you yourself help out with household chores or not, or whether you spend lavishly on her anyway. You, as the husband will be required to pay her a “salary”, but you will not have any right to judge her performance.

While taking marriage ‘pheras’ you are basically signing on a 50% transfer deed of all your assets (but not your liabilities) to the girl. She can easily file for Divorce under new IrBM and you will not even have right to oppose her case. This will be a new gift from the Indian government to all wives. It does not matter how long it took and how difficult it was for you to build those assets, it does not matter how long you have been married, it does not matter if the assets were built before marriage. What matters is that if she wants what you have, she will get at least half of it. Not only that, she can similarly continue to fool other men and snatch halves of their assets as well. As with other gender-biased Indian laws, you, the husband, cannot demand a single paisa from her irrespective of her wealth.

Picture this: After years of hard work, you buy a nice and comfortable house for your family. You are paying monthly installments to the bank for next 15 years to truly own your house. Now, you get married to your dream girl and for some reason, the very next week she decides to walk out of the marriage. Well, in

doing so, she walks out with a legal right to 50% of the total value of your house. However, she will have 0% responsibility towards the bank payments that will be coming out of YOUR pocket for the next 15 years. This ridiculous law has not been passed yet, but it very well might have by the time you read this. Find out

more at www.rollbackirbm.in

IrBM (Irretrievable breakdown of marriage)

Have a happy and safe married life.